When someone says “I have many friends” for several reasons; I’m skeptical. One being “Where do you get the time?” Two being ”How deep are those friendships?” Three being “Do you even like yourself? and Four being ”Are you rich?”.  

Whether you plan on having Get Togetha’s or not you’ve got to make a distinction between having true friendship and all other types: frienamies, wet mops, salty beans, and people who secretly resent you. Think: Secret Santa meets Freddy Krugar.

Frienamies=Friend+Enemy. A person who enjoys your company; but secretly competes with you and/or wants to know your superpowers. Fun to be around and generally harmless; but use caution.

Wet Mops-People who live on half-empty cups and belief systems of lack. People who believe that life is “a bitch” and then you die. A person you can rely on to kill a great mood.

SaltyBeans-A person with a critical nature and refuses to see the good in most situations; unless it benefits them. Drinks haterade for B, L, and D.

Secret Santa Resenter(s)-The worst kind of friend; they are master pretenders. Their shell will say “friendship” but their insides are screaming “I want you to fail!” and “who do you think you are?”. These are the people who will deliver a pipe bomb to your door wrapped in a pretty box. Think: Cain and Able.

Maya Angelou wisdom: 1) People show you who they are. 2) Most people do not have the nerve or gall to outwardly kill you so instead; they’ll pluck you. An earlobe here, a pinch of flesh on the elbow, your big toe, the nape of your neck.

Have fun in life but know thy frienamies.