my happy medium.
M’kay. So let’s get the anger out of the way.
Yes. Being a no show/no call is so cotdamn rude, inconsiderate, selfish, unthoughtful, wasteful, disappointing and is such a total heartbreaker. You feel unappreciated, disrespected, annoyed, gamed, not worthy, a loser, and just as played as someone who got stood up on the first date.
But alas GT readers…is it that deep? Should people know better and put themselves in your shoes?
Well yes and no. Conventional wisdom works in a perfect world. But if any of you readers find the perfect world; give GT a call. Until then; there are too many things to take into consideration. Questions like..”Is this person a repeat offender?” or ”Do you even like this person?” come into play when making the final judgement call on a person’s integrity and/or alterior motives for not being there. So as a hostess only you can make that final judgement call.
Have I had to cut off friends? You Betcha! Have I made new ones? Gladly Yes! Has the quality of my life improved because people have continually shown me who they are? Hells yes! Has the quality of my friendship pool improved? All that and then some.
My happy medium is pulling the reigns in of why I choose to have friends over in the first place. And that’s because I love life and I want to look back at it and know that I lived it fully. So when X & Y doesn’t show; that happy medium throws me right back on track. Who is there is supposed to be there and who isn’t; isn’t. You don’t need a great turnout to validate who you are and learning how not to take life personal is one of the sweetest lessons in life to devour.
Or…maybe you just completely suck at having friends over…to be continued…
So readers and lurkers…does forgiveness sometimes feel like letting people off the hook?
Posted by gt on October 16, 2008
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InstantVintage — October 16, 2008 @ 7:28 pm
Sometimes, but it doesn’t happen often for me. Before I forgive someone (and depending on the severity of the offense), I usually give them an earful of why I was upset in the first place. I feel that hearing me chew you a new one is part of earning your forgiveness. LOL.
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gt — October 16, 2008 @ 7:41 pm
Harboring anger and resentment for the trivial and small things used to be a way of life for me. I really used to feel like being angry at someone for little dumb sh*t was really hurting them. Not even realizing that I was giving away my power.
But you live and you learn. When I get angry…I cal it…then I release it…most times…LOL
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Harlem Chic — October 17, 2008 @ 1:46 am
To be honest…yes sometimes when you forgive, the other person still doesn’t get the lesson and/or doesn’t care whether they’ve hurt you or not…which makes you feel like you left them off the hook…
Not showing up or calling for a party is just tasteless. People don’t realize that you are investing your time and money into a situation out of the kindness of your heart…only to get trounced upon!
Why do black people do this to each other? That’s what I want to know…any answers sisters?
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ceecee — October 17, 2008 @ 9:37 am
Ummm it’s not that deep for me, I usually ask myself, is this really worth losing a friend over? Could there have been a situation that warranted this?
I guess being on the offending side a few times myself, I see both sides of the equation. I just know not to invite you the next time especially if you’re a repeat offender.
And frankly, I know to expect the worst which is horrible I know but hey if the turnout is great it’s a good feeling!
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gt — October 17, 2008 @ 10:02 am
Cee Cee. You make good points. It’s really not that deep; doesn’t mean that it’s not hurtful to the person who has invested their time or money…
Before I started throwing parties; I occasionally would be on the offending side myself not realizing that someone actually took the time to count my head to feed me. I’m now in that person’s shoes and I think that’s the point I’m doing my best to drive here.
I had a situation where a person who was a considered a “best friend” pulled a no show/no call for my birthday party. Spoke to her that morning. I thought the chick died or something…turns out she just didn’t feel like coming and couldn’t tell me; plus the green eyed monster was rearing its ugly head within our friendship.
So I guess it all depends on your expectations of the friendship and the occasion. If it was a book party…I’d been more apt to not sweat it…
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TJ — October 17, 2008 @ 11:43 am
When I was younger, it seemed like it was letting the other person off of the hook and it was really hard. Now that I’m, uh, less young, it’s not always easy, but it seems a lot more like letting myself off of the hook. Freeing myself up to embrace better pieces of life than what that person did to offend me.
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ceecee — October 17, 2008 @ 1:07 pm
GT, yep I get it now…so when a person doesn’t feel like showing up…yeah that’s not nice.
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Ramona — October 17, 2008 @ 1:08 pm
I have to check my feelings all the time.
I am super-sensitive, and the smallest things have me asking myself a thousand questions about my worth. The thing that helps me cope with this obviously neurotic disorder is that I know that I am responsible for the way I feel. I try not to make others feel responsible for my shit. No matter what effed-up madness others throw my way, I can control only my reactions.
As a younger person, I was always trying to tell people how they hurt me; I would try to get them to change/adjust their behavior so I could feel better about myself and the world. This new approach (owning myself and my feelings) is challenging, but it is the most rewarding decision I have ever made.
So, for me, forgiveness means owning myself…
Peace.
~Ramona
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Simone — October 17, 2008 @ 3:52 pm
I know this isn’t Sweet Valley High or Miss Popularity. What it is about is R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That’s all it is for me. I take respect seriously and if you are a repeat offender we are done. I’ve known a few repeaters and I’m glad I have no contact w/them anymore.
I see it as clearing out the triflin’ and making way for real folk in my life.
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